Culture of Respect

Some examples of everyday consent include asking if it is okay to:

• Take a photo or video of someone

• Touch someone's body (e.g., hair, back, arms)

• Sit next to or with someone

• Shut a door to a confined space

• Hug someone

• Give unsolicited feedback or advice

You can remember the elements of consent by remembering the acronym, WildCATS.

(C)ommunication 

• Can be verbal or non-verbal 

• Clearly expresses what each person is agreeing to 

(A)greement 

• All parties must understand what they are consenting to

• What is agreed to may change throughout the experience or relationship

(T)ake Away 

• Consent can be taken away or changed at any time

• It's always reversible or revocable

(S)traightforward 

• No assumptions or ambiguity 

• No one should feel pressured, forced, or convinced to agree 

The first step in setting boundaries is deciding what is okay and what’s not okay for you. This might vary depending on who you’re with or the situation involved.

The second step is to communicate those boundaries to others through words and actions. This communication might sound like:

• This works for me
• I’m not comfortable with this
• I am happy to do that for you
• Please don’t do that
• I want to think about it before getting back to you
• I have changed my mind about that

You probably already have boundaries in different parts of your life, such as in relationships, as well as at school, work, or in your home.

As your boundaries look different depending on where you are and what you are doing, there are different types of boundaries you might have (e.g., emotional, financial, intellectual, material, physical, sexual, spiritual, time, verbal).

To learn more about the different types of boundaries, review the examples below.

• Limiting how much time or energy you give to others 
• Asking for space when you need time to process something or time alone 

• Having and sticking to a budget for a meal, trip, or celebration 
• Not being willing to lend money to friends or family 

• Refraining from discussing certain topics with certain individuals or based on the setting 
• Determining when you feel safe to express your own ideas, beliefs, and values 

• How others can or cannot interact with your belongings or property 
• Not using your personal contact methods (e.g., phone, email) for work 

• Types of greetings you are most comfortable with, such as a hug, kiss, handshake, or no physical contact 
• Defining your personal space and how close others can get to you 

• Communicating what you enjoy, what you’re open to trying, and what’s you’re not open to sexually 
• Being only partially undressed or naked during a sexual interaction 

• Keeping religious or spiritual beliefs to yourself 
• Declining an invitation to attend a worship service that conflicts with your beliefs 

• Reserving time to do schoolwork or important projects, as well as time to spend with friends or family 
• Not checking work messages or emails outside of scheduled work hours 

• Asking someone not to use certain language around you 
• Not allowing others to speak down to or yell at you 

What if I do not know what someone’s boundaries are? 

What if they change?  

What if I mess up and violate a boundary? 

The first step to treating others the way they want to be treated is to check in with them and ask questions about their needs. While someone may not feel comfortable sharing the reasons behind their boundaries, you don’t need that information to respect their preferences.

The second step is to honor their requests and respect what they ask of you. Since boundaries can change over time and can vary based on the context, it's essential to check in with others regularly to ensure you're respecting their boundaries.

Finally, it's important to acknowledge when you have crossed a boundary and potentially caused harm. We all make mistakes, but maintaining trust, safety, and respect requires taking responsibility when you violate someone’s boundaries.

• Identify Needs and Limits: Pay attention to your needs and the needs of others. Focus on what brings you peace, strength, and joy instead of feelings like sadness, anger, or fear.

• Acknowledge Needs and Boundaries: Be aware of your own needs and those of others. Recognize when someone else is setting boundaries with you.

• Consider Power Dynamics: Power and privilege can impact your personal boundaries and how you deal with others' boundaries. This often happens in relationships or situations with an imbalance of power, such as between a boss and an employee or a professor and a student.

• Communicate Clearly and Respectfully: Use "I" statements to express your needs, feelings, and expectations kindly but firmly. For example, say, "I need some quiet time in the evenings."
• Follow Through: Have clear consequences for crossing a boundary and follow through with them. 

• Be Flexible: Some boundaries are non-negotiable, while others are flexible; explore your boundaries in different settings to find your non-negotiable (“hard”) boundaries and make choices aligned with your feelings or needs. 

A harmful situation is a circumstance where there’s potential for something negative to occur, leading to distress and/or physical, mental, or emotional harm.  

Harmful situations can be emergencies, like medical emergencies or physical harm. However, they can also be situations we encounter more frequently, like inappropriate or offensive comments, abusive or threatening behavior, bullying, substance misuse, peer pressure or coercion, and discrimination. It’s important to recognize when a situation could be harmful, so we know to intervene. 

Bystanders are people who witness a specific action or event but aren’t directly involved in that event. Sometimes bystanders are people who do nothing, but that’s not always the case. There is always a choice to act or not act. The opposite of a bystander is an Upstander—someone who chooses to intervene in problem situations.​​ 

The bystander effect, identified by social psychologists Darley and Latane in 1968, occurs when the presence of others discourages individuals from taking action in harmful or problematic situations. Although most people believe that it is important to step up and take action, statistical evidence shows that this is less likely to happen when in a group.  

Latane and Darley (1968) attribute the bystander effect to two main factors:  

1. Diffusion of Responsibility: The more bystanders present during an event, the less personal responsibility individuals feel to take action. 

1. Social Influence: We often look to the behavior of those around us to determine our response.  

If someone else starts helping, others are more likely to try to help also. ​That’s why it’s important for someone to take action and be the first person to Step Up! 

Every situation is unique, and various factors (i.e., individual, situational, and victim) influence whether someone chooses to help in a harmful or problematic situation.

• Individual variables include a person's knowledge and skills, confidence, and sense of social responsibility​​. 

• Situational variables include the severity of the need for help, the number of bystanders present, and the potential costs associated with helping. This also involves the perceived personal risks for the person considering taking action to intervene, which may include safety concerns, physical danger, social risks, or the possibility of facing backlash for getting involved. 

• Victim variables include the appearance of the victim, relationship with the victim, as well as perceptions around whether the victim deserves or will accept help.  

Other potential barriers to taking action and helping others include: 

1. Conformity: People's beliefs and actions can be influenced by others, either subtly or through direct pressure. The level of conformity a person feels is determined by factors including group size, cohesion, status, prior commitment, and public opinion.  
2. Ambiguity: Some situations may lack clarity, making it difficult to determine the best course of action. 
3. Obedience to Authority: We are likely to follow what an authority figure (e.g., administrator, supervisor, coach, upperclassmen) tells us to do, even when these instructions conflict with their personal values, because of fear of retaliation or punishment.
4. Willful Neglect: There are times when people know there is a problem but look the other way, cover it up, and/or completely ignore it.​ 

Intervening in harmful or problematic situations involves taking direct or indirect action, but it’s important to remember there’s no one right way to intervene.

Wildcats are unique individuals with different backgrounds, experiences, and identities; therefore, it’s important to understand that members of our community may approach intervention differently and have a variety of needs if they are affected by harm.   

Different interventions, like the direct and indirect actions below, work better for different situations and people. Remember, doing something is better than doing nothing! 

Take Direct Action

• Name and ask questions about what you are observing or experiencing
• Create a distraction like changing the subject
• Create space between the people involved
• Delegate your concerns to an expert, especially in crisis situations where specialized knowledge or training would be helpful

Take Indirect action

• Follow up with the people involved, whether they caused the harm or were harmed by someone else
• Delegate your concerns to someone else, especially if you do not feel safe intervening or you are not sure what to do
• Document what you observed or experienced by taking notes or recording via photo/video
• Connect anyone impacted with resources