CWU alumna explores intricacies of adoption in new memoir

Denise Massar always wanted to publish a book, but it took a major health scare last winter to convince her to pull the trigger.

The two-time CWU graduate (’94, ’06) was certain that her story of adoption — both her own and that of her youngest child — would resonate with others who have experienced similar life journeys.

So, when doctors told Massar that the benign tumor in her neck would cause her to lose her ability to speak, she decided to fast-track her long-anticipated book, Matched: A Memoir.

“After the shock of my diagnosis, I felt like I needed to leave a legacy for my kids and I decided to record my audio book before it was too late,” said Massar (née Skaggs), who earned a bachelor’s degree in public relations and a master’s in English language and literature from CWU. “It was a really emotional time for me because I had about 30 days to finish the project before I lost my voice for good.”

Thanks to a medical miracle, doctors were able to save Massar’s voice. Her life has, more or less, returned to the way it was before her diagnosis, but, at the same time, she recognizes that her unexpected health event forever changed her career trajectory. 

A few months after her surgery, Massar self-published her book through IngramSpark, an online-based company that helps clients print, distribute, and manage their publications. Matched: A Memoir was released in August and is now available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Powell’s, and other online retailers.

“It took me 10 years to finally get to this point, and it has been a dream come true,” said Massar, a mother of three who lives in Mission Viejo, California.

“I had been wanting to publish it for a while,” she added. “I thought that if I could just get a few more followers online or a few more newsletter subscribers, that would be the right time. But, at some point, you just have to publish — and I’m so glad I did!” 

Long Journey

Matched is the story of Massar’s nine-month search to find an expecting mother who wanted to place her newborn baby for adoption. Along the way, she and her family learned how the adoption process works — and how different it was from what they had assumed.

“I thought I knew everything there was to know about adoption, but I found out that I actually knew nothing,” Massar said. “My adoption in 1972 compared to adopting my own child in 2013 turned out to be completely different experiences.”

Massar has two biological children — now 16 and 14 years old — but after experiencing a heartbreaking miscarriage, she and her then-husband decided to pursue the private adoption route instead of going through an agency.  

The private adoption system gives expectant parents the power to choose parents for their baby instead of relying on an agency to place them. The private adoption path typically takes far less time than going through an agency, which can often take years.

The journey proved to be both eye-opening and life-changing for Massar and her family.

“I met eight potential birth moms, and most of them were in extreme crisis due to drug abuse, domestic violence, or something else,” she said. “I was looking on social media, going to homeless shelters, talking to OB/GYNs and hairdressers — anyone I could think of who might know someone considering adoption for their baby.”

During the nine-month search, Massar tried to find books or articles that described what the modern-day adoption process was actually like, but she soon discovered that her options were limited. That’s when she decided to tell her own story.

“There was nothing out there that talked about how it really is,” she said. “The actual process, along with its beauty, can be pretty gritty, and I thought it was important for me to share my story so people would have somewhere to turn for information.” 

Finding Closure

Once the adoption of her now-10-year-old son Henry was complete, Massar embarked on another deeply personal quest. Forty-one years after she, herself, was adopted, she initiated the search for her own birth mother.

She contacted the Washington Department of Health and Human Services (DSHS) and was told to complete an online form and submit a check for $15. A few months later, she received her original birth certificate. At that point, everything else just fell into place.

“I was able to find her on Facebook, and we met for the first time in 2017,” Massar said. “She was nothing like I thought she would be, and it was so great to make that connection after so many years.”

Massar and her birth mom have developed a meaningful relationship since their first meeting. Neither of them knew what to expect in the beginning.

“She’s a cool, kind, loving person, and I’m so glad she’s in our lives,” Massar said. “I’m lucky — a lot of adoptees don’t get to meet their biological moms. It fills a void, but my mom is still my mom; my family is my family.”

Wildcat Roots

After everything that has transpired in her life and career over the past 10 years, Massar will always look back on her time at CWU as being transformative.

She credits three of her English professors — Katharine Whitcomb, Chris Schedler, and Phil Garrison — for encouraging her to pursue a professional writing career, and she proudly credits them in the acknowledgements of her book.

“When I was an undergrad, I had no idea I would eventually become a writer,” Massar said. “But those three professors took me seriously as a writer, and that was all it took.”

Massar explained that many people who read her work, including her former professors, have told her they feel like they are sitting in the living room talking to her.

“That’s exactly what I have tried to do,” she said. “It feels so good to hear people say that they are connecting with my writing on a personal level.”

Aside from her recently published memoir, Massar has made a name for herself as a freelance writer for publications such as HuffPost, Today, Parenting, Raise, and Mutha Magazine. She also has built a successful copywriting business in Southern California, serving clients such as Meta and Google.

Before going out on her own, she worked in marketing for McGraw-Hill, which helped her build an extensive professional network. But, when she thinks about how she got to where she is today, it always comes back to Central.

“My professors held me to a very high standard, and they wanted my writing to be excellent,” Massar said. “They gave me the confidence I needed to build a successful career, and I can’t thank them enough for their support.”