Culture of Respect
Wildcats Respect Boundaries
Treat Wildcats how they want to be treated by honoring others' boundaries.
Exploring and Honoring Boundaries
Boundaries are what is okay and what’s not okay for you and others. Your boundaries are personal limits or expectations that help you define what is acceptable for you. They guide how you interact with the people in your life. If something feels okay or not okay to you, then you have a boundary around that.
- Having clear boundaries can boost your self-esteem, make you feel safe, and help you feel respected in your relationships, both personally and within the CWU community.
While you may have heard of the golden rule-- treating people how you want to be treated, at Central, we treat Wildcats how THEY want to be treated - the #CrimsonRule. This approach recognizes that Wildcats are unique individuals with different backgrounds, experiences, and identities. Treating others how THEY want to be treated builds a Culture of Respect at CWU.
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How do I set my personal boundaries?
The first step in setting boundaries is deciding what is okay and what’s not okay for you. This might vary depending on who you’re with or the situation involved.
The second step is to communicate those boundaries to others through words and actions. This communication might sound like:
- This works for me
- I’m not comfortable with this
- I am happy to do that for you
- Please don’t do that
- I want to think about it before getting back to you
- I have changed my mind about that
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Types and examples of boundaries
You probably already have boundaries in different parts of your life, such as in relationships, as well as at school, work, or in your home.
As your boundaries look different depending on where you are and what you are doing, there are different types of boundaries you might have (e.g., emotional, financial, intellectual, material, physical, sexual, spiritual, time, verbal).
To learn more about the different types of boundaries, review the examples below.
Emotional
- Limiting how much time or energy you give to others
- Asking for space when you need time to process something or time alone
- Having and sticking to a budget for a meal, trip, or celebration
- Not being willing to lend money to friends or family
- Refraining from discussing certain topics with certain individuals or based on the setting
- Determining when you feel safe to express your own ideas, beliefs, and values
- How others can or cannot interact with your belongings or property
- Not using your personal contact methods (e.g., phone, email) for work
- Types of greetings you are most comfortable with, such as a hug, kiss, handshake, or no physical contact
- Defining your personal space and how close others can get to you
- Communicating what you enjoy, what you’re open to trying, and what’s you’re not open to sexually
- Being only partially undressed or naked during a sexual interaction
- Keeping religious or spiritual beliefs to yourself
- Declining an invitation to attend a worship service that conflicts with your beliefs
- Reserving time to do schoolwork or important projects, as well as time to spend with friends or family
- Not checking work messages or emails outside of scheduled work hours
- Asking someone not to use certain language around you
- Not allowing others to speak down to or yell at you
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How do I respect others' boundaries?
What if I do not know what someone’s boundaries are?
What if they change?
What if I mess up and violate a boundary?
The first step to treating others the way they want to be treated is to check in with them and ask questions about their needs. While someone may not feel comfortable sharing the reasons behind their boundaries, you don’t need that information to respect their preferences.
The second step is to honor their requests and respect what they ask of you. Since boundaries can change over time and can vary based on the context, it's essential to check in with others regularly to ensure you're respecting their boundaries.
Finally, it's important to acknowledge when you have crossed a boundary and potentially caused harm. We all make mistakes, but maintaining trust, safety, and respect requires taking responsibility when you violate someone’s boundaries.
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Tips for setting and honoring boundaries
- Identify Needs and Limits: Pay attention to your needs and the needs of others. Focus on what brings you peace, strength, and joy instead of feelings like sadness, anger, or fear.
- Acknowledge Needs and Boundaries: Be aware of your own needs and those of others. Recognize when someone else is setting boundaries with you.
- Consider Power Dynamics: Power and privilege can impact your personal boundaries and how you deal with others' boundaries. This often happens in relationships or situations with an imbalance of power, such as between a boss and an employee or a professor and a student.
- Communicate Clearly and Respectfully: Use "I" statements to express your needs, feelings, and expectations kindly but firmly. For example, say, "I need some quiet time in the evenings."
- Follow Through: Have clear consequences for crossing a boundary and follow through with them.
- Be Flexible: Some boundaries are non-negotiable, while others are flexible; explore your boundaries in different settings to find your non-negotiable (“hard”) boundaries and make choices aligned with your feelings or needs.
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