The term "coming out" (of the closet) refers to the life-long process of the development of a positive gay identity. It is a very long and difficult struggle for many gays because they often have to confront many homophobic and heterosexist attitudes and discriminatory practices along the way. Many LGBT individuals first need to struggle with their own negative stereotypes and feelings of homophobia which they learned when they were growing up. Before they can feel good about who they are, they will need to challenge their own attitudes and take them from the lower end of that homophobic continuum (repulsion, pity, tolerance) to feelings of appreciation and admiration. But for some, it often takes years of sometimes painful work to develop a positive gay identity. Then, many individuals begin to make decisions about whom to tell that they are gay. Many individuals are afraid to "come out" to their friends and family.
What might they be afraid of?
- Rejection - loss of relationships
- Gossip
- Harassment/abuse
- Being thrown out of the house
- Having their lover/partner arrested
- Loss of financial support
- Losing their job
- Physical violence
Why might LGBT Individuals want to come out to friends/relatives?
- End the "hiding game"
- Feel closer to those people
- Be able to be "whole" around them
- Stop wasting energy by hiding all the time
- Feel like they have integrity
- To make a statement that "gay is OK"
How might gays feel about their coming out to someone? Why?
- Scared
- Vulnerable
- Relieved
- Wondering how the person will react
- Proud
What can we do or say when someone is coming out?
- Be there for them
- Support them unconditionally
- Maintain Confidentiality
- Provide a supportive and nurturing environment
